Cherry Diaries! October 7, What should I do? Stream of Conscious- flowin’ like a river , goin’ no where in particular~cucumbers

An exclamation point makes things cheerier right? Or is it just annoying?

I do wonder how anyone would come across this little bit of writing- it feels very strange like… writing on the wall of an abandoned tunnel or something- someone might come across it somehow- but not terribly likely- its a little depressing and it makes it a little easier to write to,

because probably no one will see it

I’m just in the getting more comfortable phase right now and I’m currently assuming no one will see this- not yet- maybe someday I’ll write things that are better, or somehow something I write will catch attention and my little abandoned foot path where I’ve put a few thoughts about my life will get some traffic- more well worn, some will visit- maybe write a few thoughts of their own back.

Cucumber with Olive oil, salt and balsamic vinegar is delicious, to me. I say to me because we’ve all got different tastes and someone else might find it too acidic or just gross.

We, Americans I mean (maybe other people too?), are really adjusted to a lot of sugar- I saw a hilarious article titled something like “Irish Supreme Court rules that subway sandwich rolls cannot be classified as bread! but cake!” lol. Because they have too much sugar! This is funny to me because I find a lot of things really sweet- the yogurt I buy- honey vanilla- quite sweet- it’s like dessert seriously (almost)- but the no sugar yogurt tastes a bit too sour & I need the calories anyway because I’m bad at cooking/ feeding myself.

I drink a lot of Juice sometimes, or various milks (Fairlife full fat with the Omega 3’s cause it has extra protein!, Or Oatmilk- Oatly so good so creamy, or Soymilk) to get calories, I also drink soylent- but I need to order more.

I’m going to order a blender as soon as I pick out which one- & I think this will help me feel fantastic! I love smoothies- they’re nice because I really like to snack and eat slow and then I can take the drink with me and keep doing things and just have a bit when I feel hungry and I don’t have to interrupt what I’m doing to figure out food.

It’s kind of funny that I worry about getting enough calories when so many worry about getting too many… but for me it’s really easy to ignore hunger- too easy & it’s hard for me to get myself to cook. & My stomach can be very sensitive, finicky, it’s just like- I’m hungry I need to eat something, I start to eat something & my body is like “nope not that- that doesn’t feel good”. But making the sort of thing that would make my body feel good feels like too much effort often- I don’t have the energy for it, usually.

& it’s kind of a cycle- if you don’t eat well you don’t feel as good and you don’t have as much energy.

I can feel myself wanting vegetables- I feel good when I eat vegetables but they are more effort to prepare. Which is why I’m so excited about cucumbers! I forgot about them but I love them!

You just wash and slice you don’t have to cook & then you can eat them with Humus or olive oil or ranch, or just plain if you want.

Oops I forgot cucumbers are technically a fruit I think.. well still! Tasty easy to prepare! Keeps for awhile! (I think?) Carrots too. But they are a little more effort- just harder to cut into sticks (I’m not a fan of baby carrots myself).

My stomach’s sensitivity could be from any number of things, anxiety or an inconsistent diet or anything- food allergies & sensitivities are all over my family- it wouldn’t be surprising to me at all if I had things in my diet that I should not be eating.

It also wouldn’t be surprising to me if I’m just not eating in a healthy way or if it’s related to anxiety (which can mess with your stomach if you don’t know).

Which is why I’m so excited to go to the doctor soon! & find out if something is actually wrong! I like my doctor- I only met her a few months ago & we only had video visits because of Covid- but she has very good bedside manner? screen side manner?

I like her- she listens and I’m very glad I found someone so good (I think) from first impressions.

I will be glad to get some blood tests & things- I wouldn’t be suprised if I had low iron or something- my energy levels … can feel very inconsistent. I feel like I get tired much more easily than I should.

It could be many things. Or nothing. Maybe I just don’t exercise enough! I’m working on that too.

I will tell you that I’m a small person and according to BMI I’m right in the middle of the healthy range but I do not feel healthy.

I hardly exercise. I frequently (probably) don’t get enough calories / nutrients/ eat healthy- because I just can’t get myself to prepare healthy food.

I made egg salad the other day and I was really proud of myself. It has been a long time since I have done even that level of effort for cooking.

I think it’s really stupid that we shame fat people for not being healthy but assume skinny or “normal” sized people are healthy. *

(*We also shouldn’t shame people for not being healthy in general- it is a lot of work to be healthy in today’s society*)

I am a very normal size. & I am telling you. I am not healthy. I do not feel healthy. I have low energy, I barely exercise, my eating habits are like… I’m not eating a lot of junk but I’m also not getting enough nutrients & sometimes not enough calories.

Somewhere I heard if you’re not eating enough it effects your serotonin levels! That’s serious!

You have to eat enough to be healthy!

Okay! Anyway- I’ll end this stream of consciousness rambling brook there for today,

Love you,

Hope you’re doing well beautiful soul,

Cherry

• PS- fact check what I said about serotonin levels & don’t trust everything you read on the internet- I think I’ve heard that a few places but I haven’t fact checked it/ looked it up- so double check me! :)
• P.P.S. If anyone has any good sources about the serotonin thing I would looove to read and super appreciate your commenting the links! ❤